just quiet ramblings

Hmmm,
I thought I should think of something to say. I haven't knitted for quite a while. When I head into summer knitting tends to take a back seat. But somehow I am trying to find some inspiration to get a little revved up with my life.

A couple of months ago I felt excited about opening a knitting shop. But with the current economic climate starting a business no longer seems like a wise thing to do. I am very ready to get into some paid work.. and the other thing I am good at is homoeopathy. I have my diploma and I really want to start practicing, but I just seem to be struggling to get organised to do anything about it. Hmmm... I think the tricky thing for me is that I have 3 children. And I feel that my main role is to make sure their needs are well met. And this means that me and my needs must come 2nd or even third.

This is a constant battle in my head. I do have this belief that it is difficult to meet others needs if one's own needs aren't met first. And I am constantly struggling to listen to my own advice. And to meet my needs would be to have something other than motherhood. Paid work, more frequent breaks, opportunity to go walk unaccompanied by small people, hot chocolate at a quiet cafe with my book, uninterrupted pottering in the garden, wandering around places that inspire me. The silly thing is that when I get the opportunity to do these things I choose to use this time to do housework instead. I have this idea in my head that some how I must earn the spare-time-just-for-me. Also if I do these fun things before housework is done then when I get home I still have to do all those yucky chores just in less time than if I stayed home. And that just makes me feel grumpy.

One day I will find the balance to all of this... It is something I will have to think about a little more.

So there you have my ramblings and it all started with knitting....